An Omnibus of Evil

The Auckland bus service, as is its wont, decided on another strike. Silly fathead idiot-minus smeckin’ misbegotten what-the pain in the proverbial singing, dancing, all-out pants bus service. Why were there knees to receive me? The latest bus strike was limited to only a few bus companies and lasted for several hours; this one is near-universal and expected to go on for days. The scurvy bottom-dwelling blighters took down their website, so Betty, ever the forward-thinker, hoofed it to the local bus stop in plenty of time to investigate the promised replacement services — you know, the ones you catch when you’re in actual need of getting from Point A to Point B, and you’re docile enough to be grateful for the good nature of the drivers, who should, by the way, be paid a decent wage, and rubbish fast. It turned out they were running replacement buses from Takapuna to Milford. Milford. As an aside, if I throw a small pebble in a northerly direction, walk over to the pebble, spit with reasonable force, and walk to where I have spat, I will be in Milford. So excuse me if I’m not all saints-be-praised at the thort.

However. Betty is made of stern stuff. Why, just this very morning I spent an hour and a half doing an Advanced Reformer and a complete Spine Corrector workout, among other things. I can take it. So I set off.

Some statistics. Time at waking, 0545 hours. Time of departure for work, 0750 hours. An atypically late start, I might add. Projected time of arrival back home, 0010 hours the following day. Time of departure for work tomorrow, 0645 hours. Elapsed time for sleeping, 6 hours and 35 minutes, minus any time frittered away on tooth-brushing or changing underoos. Look at it another way. Total walking time to work, 1 hour and 40 minutes. Total walking time once I’ve got back home tonight, for those interested, will be 3 hours and 20 minutes. Total workout time today, bear with me, 4 hours and 50 minutes. Some observations:

  • Walking may reduce depression, but it has been known to exacerbate homicidal rage.
  • I should have the body of Jennifer Garner.
  • I am too old for this.

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